There are some things couples don’t do well together. For us it's getting up early for something. Kathryn is organised, with two alarms set and a strict schedule. Gavin, on the other hand, has a more 'approximate' sense of time and a magnetic attraction to his bed. The result is some, shall we say, friction. So it was this morning when we had to get up at FIVE FORTY-FIVE A.M. for our trip to the Great Wall of China. This was not helped by Gavin having to return to the room for something he'd forgotten. Twice.

Nonetheless we joined our bus with the usual assortment of fellow tourist types - a family from Taree, an ethnically Chinese but culturally very American 'polite' couple, another perpetually late non-specific Asian couple (they never spoke) and a couple of giggling, loud Malaysian women who always had something to say or a terrible, terrible joke. Always followed by giggling.

The visit to the Great Wall was bookended by a visit to an underground Ming Dynasty tomb & 'palace' and the obligatory shopping cum 'cultural experiences' - specifically a silk and jade factory. Neither are worth discussing. The underground palace and tomb are for the memory of a Ming Emperor who achieved nothing. Indeed there is an obelisk noting this fact by having nothing written on it but his name -normally the notable achievements would be listed. The palace and tombs themselves are sensibly buried underground out of peoples way so as not to be bothered by a non-achievers bones. With respect to the workers who built it, the Ming Dynasty and all Chinese history it may as well stay underground cos it's pretty crap. Bare concrete walls containing almost nothing genuine, not even the floor. If we wanted to see something that wasn't actually a Chinese historical relic we'd have gone to Chinatown. Which, perplexingly, we could have gone to in Beijing. Isn't Beijing already a China town? And if we did go to Beijing's Chinatown, how would we recognise I was there?

One of the best parts of day tours, and ground transport in general, is that it allows you to glimpse some 'real life' in between attractions. So it was on this journey - travelling out through anonymous multitudes of high-rise apartments in the Beijing suburbs, interspersed by factories producing toy giraffes and plastic boomerangs, to the rural countryside with at times ramshackle-looking dwellings. We were told the local produce were chestnuts, almonds and donkey meat. Apparently in high season the roads are clogged with traffic with those travelling to pick up donkey meat. Along the way we were also lucky enough to have arrived during the blossoming season crab apple trees. These made the mountains look almost snow covered. Very pretty. A lot like that cider tv commercial, except actually factually.



But then we were there. After a quick lunch at Mr. Wiffs restaurant we were at the Great Wall at Mutianyu. We had chosen this location as it is supposed to be less touristy and have both restored and non-restored sections. It did have a local garrison of trinket, souvenir and assorted junk sellers but only at the entry point. Beyond this was the chair lift and toboggan slide that were no doubt added by Mongol invaders to ease traversing the wall. You would have thought they'd built it on the Mongolian North side though? In any case we can recommend it.

It was this ancient chairlift that carried us up the hillside to the beginning of our short walk of the Great Wall. We traversed a restored section (in the 50's and 80's I think) to crumbling non-restored part. This required a modest descent and then a steep uphill with gradients that must have been 1:1 or near enough. Given the number of fatty Westerners huffing upwards it was a wonder that one didn't go down clutching their chest. But the sense of significance of being on such a monument seemed to help us and others power on (and the added embarrassment of being seen to fail from space). The size and gradient of both the terrain, and the wall, really did seem utterly improbable and a marvel of engineering for any age, let alone six hundred years ago. The mountains themselves seemed obstacle enough, the wall running along the spine or the range must have appeared impenetrable. If nothing else the number of stairs would have put the Mongols right off invading. Back to the Steppes with you! (A pun! Delicious).

We both very much enjoyed our Great Wall experience. The weather was fine, the exertion level just right and we were happy to add another great monument to our bragging list. The small price of this excursion was Gavin's jeans failure - an impressive tear accross the crotch on bending to take the photo of the Taree family. The look on the mum's face as her teenage daughter got a view of the future was amusing. Lucky everything inside was packed up in super speed sports shorts - just right for moument hiking. Amusement over, the jeans were dead and needed replacing - a conundrum.

To descend from the wall we had hoped to do as the Mongol Horsemen of yore and toboggan down. This was not possible as the queue was far too long. This, it turns out, was all one woman's fault. One is supposed to tear down the mountain at exhilarating speeds catching the Chinese defenses off guard. This woman thought it was a great opportunity to travel at less than walking speed and create a 'really super' traffic jam behind her. Now I don't know who this woman was but I want her to know 'We hate you'. And that's from everyone behind you, not just us. Our hour-long-held dreams of sliding down from the great wall were ruined forever by her. Here is a picture of her. She likes purple and if you ever see her tell her she sucks!

Back on the bus our spirits were buoyed by Gavin's first-time swat of a very large and fearsome-looking bug right out the door with a bare hand. The noise it made was great. Wha-pow! Take that bug. Now go bite the woman in purple. Once the bus got moving we were informed that Mao had been a fan of the Wall despite the Communists usual dislike, and destruction, of anything Old World (maybe they learnt from the Mongols - you can't destroy the Wall). Instead Mao had proclaimed "You can only be a hero if you have climbed the Great Wall". Well, Mao, I'd like to add "And you've only climbed the Great Wall if you've got the t-shirt". Hero.

Our dinner and drinking plans at Sanlitun were folied by an absolute lack of taxis (none to be had after 45mins waiting). Instead we ate at a random restaurant opposite our hotel (Park Plaza - recommended: very convenient and comfortable). After a very good day things unfortunately ended on a down note. Gavin's second pair of jeans, and only remaining pair, also suffered massive failure. Catastrophe.